Confessions of a non-pregnant man

So in light of Lilli’s blog, http://lillimitchell.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/confessions-of-a-non-pregnant-lady/ , I decided it was my turn to give a few of my important thoughts that have come from my experience of having 4 babies.  It would be helpful if you looked at our blogs side by side as this is intended to be my perspective on the same things.  Here’s her blog again: http://lillimitchell.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/confessions-of-a-non-pregnant-lady/

1.  There is no relief like the sudden relief that you get when the baby is born and it cries like a baby instead of making alien noises that would correspond to how it looks at the moment.

2. Husbands can lie to if they need to… and they need to.  It’s ok. Of course I enjoyed waking up at 3:30 to go to the hospital and of course I’m fine sleeping on the massive bars that hit me mid-back on this fold out chair/bed.

3. Having a baby does hurt.  Lilli did cut her fingernails in advance this time.

4.  Just having a baby does hurt too, see #2 about sleeping on steel bars.

5. The tv remote volume thing is annoying.  No matter how hard I try, it always seems to be left somewhere that makes it hard to hear.

6. Sweet nurses are the best, but people who don’t close the door when they leave are not.  Don’t they realize I am trying to blog and I have AD hmm I wonder what nurses do when they aren’t nursing?

7. It’s even more awkward when you are trying to make jokes when the nurse and doctor are mad at each other and nobody laughs (even and especially your wife).

8. Did I mention sleeping on steel bars hurts?

9. Really, yes you mentioned it, but I may need some of her pain meds after having to sleep on the steel bars again tonight.

10.  All the discomforts of your pregnancy and birth are worth it whenever you get to hold the sweet baby in your arms and introduce it to college football!

11. Everyone will love me when I invent a pull out chair/bed for hospitals that is actually comfortable.  I actually woke up this morning thinking about it.

12. Staying in a hospital room when your herd of kids comes to visit.  Not sure we will ever even be able to hear our newborn cry once we get home.

13. No humor here.  We did not do this with Ada and we paid for it.

14. I love that I got to give Jesse William his pacifier for the first time.  It’s about all that a dad can do to make their babies happy!

15. Having to buzz in and being asked “how can I help you” every time I enter the women’s hall is annoying.  You have a camera and I have done this 15 times or so in the last 24 hours.  Vote on what you want me to say:

A. I’m a scientist studying weight loss and hear most of your patients lose 10-15 pounds in a couple of hours.  Can I please interview the patient in room 358?

B. I’m coming in to get the best sleep of my life on the awesome pull out chair/bed.

C. I’m with Publishers Clearinghouse and someone has won the sweepstakes.

D. Can I just come in and use the free wi-fi?

E.  Write in your own suggestions with a comment.

16. Not having DVR gives me a super human ability to take 3 minute naps every 8 minutes.  DVR is quite impressive and I miss it.

17. I miss my big comfy bed.

18. Circumcision day breaks a daddy’s heart even worse than a mama’s.  Ouch.

19. Since Jesse (I will not call him JW) is number last, I have decided to start on his baby exercises early.  You can never work out too much when you are shooting for Rhodes Scholar and Heisman winner.

20. I could not decide what to call him earlier in the week, but have settled it, he is Jesse, even if I have called him JD a few times by accident.

21. I wouldn’t know a lot about new baby smell b/c my nose is stuff up and I can’t smell anything.

22. Free refills of Mountain Dew over ice in an insulated foam cup is a small taste of heaven.  Jesus would have turned water into Mountain Dew if he was here today.

23. Watching your wife struggle to give birth and fighting through it makes me feel way less tough.

24. Slow labor is exhausting on the husband as well.  Quick labor is scary and exhausting when you have to drive an hour to get to the hospital and your wife is having contractions every 3-5 minutes.  Half way here, Lilli said, “what are you going to do if you get stopped by the police.”  Me: “Ask them if they know how to deliver a baby or if they want to escort me to the hospital?”

25. I can’t believe Lilli did anything early.  Per her parents she used to be late to everything, now she is late rarely and on time to almost everything.  This early thing is a first.  Is that really my wife?

26.  I can’t believe she had the baby in under 2 hours.  I normally have to whine a lot about my back hurting before she even gets her epidural.  I am using up all the whining that has been growing within me for the last 9 months on the issue of the fold out chair/bed and those massive steel support bars that may leave permanent marks on my back.

27. When Izzy had to go on formula, I realized how much I love nursing.  Is formula made of USDA Prime Filet Mignon, caviar, or solid gold?

28. Agreed and so thankful to Geanenne Kelly and Kim Powers for their help with the kids on d-day (delivery day) and f.d-day (fake delivery day).

29. I love watching my team vs Lilli’s and Nick’s teams.  Too bad Jesse does not seem to be a good luck charm for my teams.  Maybe State basketball will at least beat Oklahoma State later tonight.

30. They say after pains get worse with each birth…. agreed.  I don’t remember the chair/bed being this bad before (well that might be a lie, but see #2–I’m just trying to get some attention at a time when the mama gets all the attention).

31. Hospital food isn’t bad (I actually enjoy the breakfast) but with all we are paying to be here, you would think I could get free food each meal and it would be 5 star quality–not slightly better than your average camp meal (note that Camp Cherokee meals are not average-they are awesome).

32. If I knew Lilli Mitchell went through all this for hospital ice, I would just buy an ice machine like that for her.  Way cheaper and way better on my back.

33.  Yea I know she did not do a 33, but here’s my original contribution: I love being a dad and having a wife who loves children and who has a great sense of humor and finds most of my jokes funny–especially when she is on pain meds.

 

Look forward to your feedback and if anyone wants to work together on a comfortable hospital chair/bed I will split profits with you 80-20 with you if you do 80% of the work.  Joel Mears says you can get 80% of the credit with 20% of the work and it’s that last 80% of the work that gets you the last 20% of the credit.  It’s a good theory about life and I will share my ideas with you if you will do the work on a better chair/bed.

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About jasonemitchell

I hate categories like this. I would much rather describe my wife, kids, or my Lord and Savior, but I am stuck talking about me. I mean Lilli is an amazing wife, my kids are a huge blessing, and Jesus continually amazes me. Me, I'm just a boring guy who is blogging because it's not like I have anything else to do. I'm only a husband, father, youth pastor, and PhD student. That definitely leaves time for blogging.
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